Ever Sent Someone You Fancy A 'Cool Song' They've Never Heard Of?

A Weekend Wrap featuring a collection of cultural picks I've sent to people I've dated, from podcasts about love to long-reads on fugue states

There are a few things I often send to someone in the early stages of dating. You know, when you go through the phase of sharing your respective cultural possessions in the hope of finding reassuring similarities and educational differences. Films. Songs. Articles. YouTube clips. Podcast episodes. The list goes on.

Greece, August 2023

Sometimes, I wonder why I do this. Is it an attempt to show off?

“Hey, look at me, here are all my pretentious little-known cultural tastes I’d like you to know that I like because of how it reflects on me.”

Is it a test?

“Ha, that’s such a shame you’ve never heard of this really obscure indie film. You are clearly less interesting and intelligent than me.”

Or is it just a genuine attempt to find a way of connecting with someone?

“If you also like this really old song by some little-known artist then we should immediately start looking at wedding venues because they get booked up very fast nowadays.”

In all honesty, I’m still not sure. Because I think all of us want to present the best, coolest, and most interesting version of ourselves to the world. One of the ways we do that is by sharing the things we enjoy. And the stakes are never quite as high as when you’re sharing them with someone you fancy.

We make sweeping judgments based on someone’s cultural tastes. At least, I know I do. I once went on a date with a man whose favourite films were “ones with a twist”. I never saw him again. Another man once told me his favourite band was The Lumineers. I sighed with disappointment. Then there was the chap whose favourite pub was “The French” — he meant The French House in Soho, and while this is objectively a very lovely pub, hearing him call it that made a part of me die inside.

The irony is that there are few things I hate more than people who think their cultural tastes give them some sort of social superiority. People who scoff if you haven’t heard of something they’ve been consuming intimately as if you know nothing and no one and should probably just never say anything ever again. And yet, I catch myself turning my nose up at people (men I date) who haven’t seen and read the things I have all the time. Note to self: must stop this.

I also have to stop myself from finding deep meaning in other people’s cultural picks. Whenever a man I’ve liked has introduced me to a song, for example, I’ve become obsessed with it, listening to it on repeat until the lyrics are on a constant loop in my head. Finding meaning in every word and relating it to his feelings for me and our burgeoning relationship. It’s a sickness, really.

I’ll never forget when I was 16 and a boy I was stupidly infatuated with asked me which of the prints on his wall was my favourite. I was on trial: pick the right print, and he’ll fall in love with me. Pick the wrong one, and he’ll probably never look at me again. “That one,” I said, aimlessly, pointing at the print I assumed would be his favourite. “Ah, nice,” he replied. “But my favourite is that one on the other side.”

I had failed. And while he did speak to me again, he did not fall in love with me. What would have happened if I’d picked the right print?

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It’s been a long time since I sent anyone anything in my cultural scrapbox. So, allow me to indulge myself by sharing a few things from it with you here. These are things I’ve collected over the years. Podcast episodes I still think about. Articles I still think deserve to be made into films. Films I wish I could make. And songs that have made me cry within seconds of hearing them being played live.

If you’ve dated me, chances are I’ve sent you at least one thing from the below list. I hope you enjoyed it and I wasn’t too much of a dick about it if you didn’t.

Without further ado, here is the list. You may know a lot of things on it, or maybe you won’t. Either way, if you’d be so inclined, I’d love to hear some of the things that are on your lists, regardless of whether we’re dating or not.

All my love,

OP x

THE LIST